I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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