Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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