I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
