I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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