someone owes me an orgasm
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
