Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
