Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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