dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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