I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
