First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
