it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
