I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
