I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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