seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
