Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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