Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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