im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
