Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
