i love accidental penises.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
