I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
