Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
