i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
