I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
