I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
