I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
