you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
