You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
