So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
