I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The chlamydia really affected his face.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
