JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They have beer where we have blood.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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