You're so nebulous sometimes
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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