You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Why is there bacon in the couch?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
