Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
