I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My liver just had a heart attack.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
