You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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