I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
