I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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