Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Shame - the story of my life.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
