the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
