Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
