I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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