You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
