his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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