Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
They are going to name an STD after you.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
