I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
