Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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