mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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