On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm always down for nudity.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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