Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
How's work?
Spinning.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
