Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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