I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
