i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
